A mother’s feelings..

Assalamualaikum. I’m writing today to express my feelings that could easily be touched these days. Maybe you’d feel that way once you’re a mother. It’s been hard to hold back tears no matter if it’s for joy or sadness. Latest tears shed were because my eldest son turned 2 years old today. How time flies and he’d grown so beautifully. Alhamdulillah.

I watched Bio channel on Astro last few nights with my husband on baby’s delivery. I watched carefully on the process of normal delivery. It looked so easy. Of course..they only show you when it’s time for the baby to pop out. When the delivery process is over, they placed the baby on the mother’s chest. I then started to burst out crying inconsolably..uhhh..the feeling of jealousy rushed through my every single vein. At least that was how it felt..=(

Okay, here’s the story. My husband and I have 6 siblings each. Mine all girls and his all boys. We’re so used to having many siblings that we wish to give the same to our children. The more the merrier they said, and it’s entirely true based on our experience. Once I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I had wings to fly. ;-)

My first baby - My water broke on the 21/6/10 at 10pm while we were about to go to sleep and did. I felt like going to the toilet at 1am. I got up and a lot of warm water rushed down my legs and we decided to go to the hospital. It was only 2cm opened and the hospital was full so they referred me to another hospital. We went to my panel clinic instead to try our luck. They induced me but my baby stayed put at his normal position and did not budge..I kept on telling him that it’s time for you to come out little one. At about 3pm, the dr told me that I had to go to the OT..sigh..I cried like a river flow..blamed myself, blamed the baby, (for no reason) It’s not like he knows what to do. I’m telling you, a pregnant mother’s emotion is very3 fragile and they are able to do lots of stupid things esp when it’s time to deliver or in confinement and under stressed moments like this. I was transferred to another hospital since I don’t think I could afford the private clinic..by ambulance. I couldn’t tell on how i felt..i never went for any minor surgery and suddenly was going for a big 1..hmmm. Alas, baby Yang Syahir was safely delivered at 6.56pm at 3.42kgs on 22/6/10..Alhamdulillah.

My second baby – Due date was 26/10/11. We waited patiently but 10 days later I had an appointment to force baby to come out and see the world..hehe. I was induced at 11am on 4/11/11 alone without no company. I bared the pain and agony as long as I could and was pushed to the delivery room at hmmm..i’m not so sure about the time for this 1 as it felt soooo long..but I remembered that 6cm was opened after 16hours and baby pooped in me...off to the OT again..redha with God’s fate at that moment. During the surgery, I felt like my heart stopped a few times..I even thought I was dying. I thought of my family throughout the whole surgery. I prayed hard for a longer life for they need me esp my babies and I need them too. I was so nervous when the doctors started asking 'eh..what's wrong with her heart?'..and the nurses asked me if I was okay. Tears ran down my cheeks but the nurses calmed me down and kept on asking me questions to keep me awake. The doctor told me later that I had bigeminy ( a state where your heart alternates one "normal" beat with one "premature" beat). Means that it was beating at irregular rhythm. This time I got to see the whole process. Baby came out at 1.15am on 5/11/11 at 3.64kgs..Alhamdulillah.

Both babies were safely delivered through surgery. I went to both surgeries feeling so alone, scared, and sad. Even my husband was not allowed to be there for me. I was not able to hold my babies and feed them immediately after they were born. The saddest part is that it’s not possible for me to provide them with lots of siblings anymore like what their parents have. I was the first to deliver my babies through c-sec in the family. Maybe that’s why I’m so easily touched when it comes to pregnancies n babies.

Here's the difference..

Normal delivery

My babies delivery

God..You’re almighty..I believe that you know what’s best for me and my family. The sad part was just a test for me to be much stronger day by day. My babies are growing very beautifully and healthily..plus you gave me strength to breastfeed both of them without failing. I love them so very much. I believe that I am capable of doing anything at all in the world now thanks to you dear God..we can choose to live the sorrow and be glum with our past or choose to strive for the best for our future. The choice is in our hands so be glad and cherish your Love, Laugh and Life..while you can..;-)

Here's mine..

Yang Syahir & Yang Syafiy

Obsessed with Pink..am I?..

I still remember that I once loved the colour blue so much. Most of my stuffs were in blue, but that was ages ago..while I was still in primary school as I remember. As time passes by, I'm prone to buying things in pink..eh? Favourite colours can change I guess. 

It was just recently that I realised that I had lots of things that are pink and that was when one of my colleagues mentioned that I looked so pink 1 day cause everything on me was in the same colour. That reminds me that I have lots of pink possessions. These are some of them with me..oh n trust me..just 'some'..hehe..

 My little pink Acer lappy

 My pink Nikon camera (notice the mirror n my office board frame?..pink too)

My pink Elizabeth Arden perfume (Pretty)

                                                 

I need to remember though that my babies are not girls. So no pink litlle things for them then. No pink clothes, shoes, accessories, and etc. But some things that I can't resist myself in purchasing...

 Pink stroller (at least parts of them are in pink and my sweater too)

Little pink boy shirts..hehe..

Okay so that's it..not too much pink things for both of you my darlings. Hey, even your daddy looks great in pink you know. See what I mean..

My boyfriend ;-)

I guess I do love the colour pink so much. It just soothes me almost every time I see it. I don't see anything wrong about it though, no matter what age you are, you're allowed to love the colour. That made me sound so old..hehe..I'm still young lah. I guess I can consider myself a little obsessed with the colour red mixed with white and I know there are lots of pink lovers out there too so I know I'm not alone. Well, my blog is pink too huh?..hahaha..then I can consider it the colour of my love, laugh and life..=)

Cara Pengendalian Susu Ibu Perahan (SIP)

                                                                

1.       PENYIMPANAN SUSU IBU PERAHAN

Letakkan susu ibu yg segar/cair sepenuhnya pada belah bawah peti ais.

Nota:

a)      Segar = Susu yang baru diperah dan tidak pernah dibekukan (tahan 4 hari)

Nota: Susu segar ini boleh dibekukan sekiranya tidak digunakan dalam masa 4 hari

b)      Cair sepenuhnya = Susu yang dibekukan dan telah dicairkan sepenuhnya (tahan 24 jam)

Nota: Susu yang telah dicairkan ini tidak boleh dibekukan semula. Jika tidak digunakan dalam masa 24 jam, susu hendaklah dibuang.

2.       MEMANASKAN SUSU IBU PERAHAN

Jangan panaskan susu ibu di atas dapur, ketuhar. Susu yang disimpan di dalam plastik/liners harus dicairkan terlebih dahulu sekiranya beku dan pindahkan ke dalam botol untuk proses pemanasan.

Gunakan warmer ataupun masukkan 1 cawan air panas dan 1 cawan air kosong dalam mangkuk kemudian rendam botol susu hingga susu suam.

Tuangkan susu yang suam ke dalam botol susu untuk penyususan bayi.

Nota:

Jangan panaskan terus susu ibu yang masih beku kerana ia akan mengganggu komposisi susu tersebut. Susu seharusnya cair sepenuhnya sebelum dipanaskan. Satu cara mudah untuk mencairkan susu beku adalah dengan meletakkan botol/plastik/liner di dalam mangkuk berisi air kosong, dan simpan di peti sejuk bawah sehingga ia cair sepenuhnya.

                                                            

                                                                             

3.       PENYUSUAN BAYI

Sila pastikan bayi dan kanak-kanak habiskan susu ibu yang telah dipanaskan dalam masa 1 jam.  Jika melebihi 1 jam, susu yang berlebihan harus dibuang. Jika bayi masih lapar, sila panaskan stok susu lain. Tiada istilah membazir dalam dunia penyusuan susu ibu. InsyaAllah stok mencukupi untuk anak-anak.

p/s: This is a Bahasa Melayu version notes edited to be printed for babysitters whom mostly are not familiar with the simplest way of handling expressed breast milk (EBM). Do feel free to share this and print them out for your babysitters too. Credit to a mummy @KIM. Happy breastfeeding mummies..=)

I met you before you were born..

My little darling Yang Syahir is almost 2 now and you're growing so beautifully little one. Papa and mama's days would feel empty without you cheering us up everyday.

I know that I made the right decision marrying your papa after I did Istikharah prayer. 1 fine night, I dreamt of us together with this beautiful chubby, wide bright eyed, and curly haired little girl. I was so confident that we'd be getting a girl once I found out I was pregnant but you came out instead. Doubts went through my thoughts and I sighed silently as the dream was not true. But life went on as it was written. Our life's been filled with happiness. Alhamdulillah we're so blessed.

I put you to sleep every single night. Last few nights was when I realised that I met you before papa and mama were even married. I looked at you while putting you to sleep and realised that you are the chubby, wide bright eyed and curly haired 'girl' that I met in my dreams before. Oh my God, even I thought you were a girl. No wonder people kept on asking if you're a girl these days. I thought so too...;p

My lillte boy...=)

Moral of the story is, I need to cut your long curly hair slightly shorter just to prevent the gender confusion..;-) So that was how I met you before you were born my little love, laugh and life......

A letter for beloved baba and mama

Dear love, 

My beloved parents

I’m your 2^nd daughter or may I say 3^rd after arwah Abg Min n Along. I used to feel so left out since u loved Along so much after our brother’s tragic death. I never get to see him in this life. So can’t wait to see him in the other. I never even get to see his grave for it’s situated so far away in Scotland. How I wish I’m given the chance to. InsyaAllah.

I used to blame both of you for not paying enough attention to me and even did lots of mischievous things to attract your attention and to calm myself down. It would be such a long list of bad things that I’ve done but  1 that I can’t seem to forget is that I stole your money to buy all the things that I want (that I don’t really need). I’m admitting my mistake here and I did it not just once. It became a habit and I’m not proud of it..sigh..but thank God I got over it long ago. Please forgive me. I never meant to make you cry ma. Now I regretted for even thinking that it was all your fault. I believe now that it was my learning process. And I did learned it the hard way. I got caught remember..hehe..

My childhood was great but I wish that I’d enjoyed it more rather than thinking of what is missing here n there all the time. It was complete always. If only I could see it back then.  I can’t seem to remember much of it sadly. That I used to blame Along for. She hated me much. But that was when we were small and naive. Maybe that’s why I tend to forget. I understand now that she just doesn’t want to share your undying love towards her with me. Now as we grew older and wiser, we tend to appreciate each other a lot. Both of you are the best parents a child could ever have. I definitely felt the deepest appreciation for what you’ve been through for me n my sisters especially now that I have children of my own.

Ma..you gave me life. You fought all the pain and gave birth to me. You breastfed all 6 of us till we were 2.  That's amazing. That’s the best a baby could ever have. That’s why I’m so motivated to give the best for my babies too no matter what others would say. You taught me everything that I know now. It’s not easy being a mother for you will worry about your children every single second. Life is tough ma. That I can never deny but having you in my life is like having oxygen to breathe in everyday. Thank you so much mama. .for everything.

Thank you for always praying for me dad

Ba..you were always there for me when I needed you. My childhood was beautiful because of you. I can still recall the days when I was sick and you were there for me giving me medicine. And that gesture always made me feel better even without the medicine. It showed that you cared for me. We used to chat together pouring each other’s hearts when I was still living at home. Oh how I miss all that. I can’t even forget all the lunch dates that we had together while the others were not around. And yes..we ate really fast cause you had to rush to work again. I still do that you know. I’m always done with my meals before everyone else..;p  (p/s: I cried inconsolably inside when u gave me away in marriage and said to myself that I'd always be your little girl and I still need you to be with me) I want you to know that you’d always be in my heart.

My convocation

My engagement

My wedding

Both of you were always there for me no matter what occasion. No matter good or bad. That's why you're the best baba and mama. Love you lots!

I’m taking this opportunity to ask for your forgiveness for all of the stupid mistakes I’ve made especially those which made you cry. Please forgive me. I would be on my knees and kissing your feet for this forgiveness but every time I’m in front of you, I turned out stoned.  All the words would come out wrong. This is the only way that I can pour my heart out without gagging, crying hysterically or go crazy for no reason. Yes, especially on Hari Raya. ;-)

All in all, I turned out good I guess. Alhamdulillah. All 6 of us did thanks to you both. I can’t describe of how much I miss being under your guidance and living under the same roof. I still turn to you sometimes though. Having both of you around comforts me a lot. You have always been my strength to move on in life. I can never thank you enough for being my parents. I can never imagine life without either one of you. I feel so blessed to be given the chance to be your daughter. I love you both so much. Even love seems to be the simplest word that I can convey my feelings with. What I feel for you is definitely way more than that. I want you to know that I’d always be there for you like you’re always there for me. Thank you for loving me just the way I am. I promise to try and be a better daughter for you. You’ll always be my love, laugh and life...

Yours Truly,

Hazirah

My own blog..finally..

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone. This is officially my very first entry on my blog. 'My blog'..just saying it makes me so excited for I've been meaning to write for soooo long. I just love to express myself through writings for I think that I'm able to pour my heart out without any interference whatsoever. 

I'm gonna share with you here all of the ups and downs that I've been through in life which colored my personality. Life's been truly blessed. Lets see why...

These trio above are my darlings closest to me. The three Yangs of mine. My hubby, Yang Syazlan, and my babies, 1 year and 9 months old Yang Syahir and 4 months old Yang Syafiy. The best gift from God is my family undoubtedly..all of them including my in laws. Nothing else can ever compare.

We can only be human and humans are not perfect. At least all we can do is cherish all the special moments that we've been through and push aside all the bad memories. They're unendurable but they're also unforgettable. Whatever it is, I love my life and I can never thank God enough for what I've been blessed with....my love, laugh and life.