Wednesday, 4 April 2012

A letter for beloved baba and mama


Dear love, 

My beloved parents

I’m your 2nd daughter or may I say 3rd after arwah Abg Min n Along. I used to feel so left out since u loved Along so much after our brother’s tragic death. I never get to see him in this life. So can’t wait to see him in the other. I never even get to see his grave for it’s situated so far away in Scotland. How I wish I’m given the chance to. InsyaAllah.

I used to blame both of you for not paying enough attention to me and even did lots of mischievous things to attract your attention and to calm myself down. It would be such a long list of bad things that I’ve done but  1 that I can’t seem to forget is that I stole your money to buy all the things that I want (that I don’t really need). I’m admitting my mistake here and I did it not just once. It became a habit and I’m not proud of it..sigh..but thank God I got over it long ago. Please forgive me. I never meant to make you cry ma. Now I regretted for even thinking that it was all your fault. I believe now that it was my learning process. And I did learned it the hard way. I got caught remember..hehe..

My childhood was great but I wish that I’d enjoyed it more rather than thinking of what is missing here n there all the time. It was complete always. If only I could see it back then.  I can’t seem to remember much of it sadly. That I used to blame Along for. She hated me much. But that was when we were small and naive. Maybe that’s why I tend to forget. I understand now that she just doesn’t want to share your undying love towards her with me. Now as we grew older and wiser, we tend to appreciate each other a lot. Both of you are the best parents a child could ever have. I definitely felt the deepest appreciation for what you’ve been through for me n my sisters especially now that I have children of my own.

Ma..you gave me life. You fought all the pain and gave birth to me. You breastfed all 6 of us till we were 2.  That's amazing. That’s the best a baby could ever have. That’s why I’m so motivated to give the best for my babies too no matter what others would say. You taught me everything that I know now. It’s not easy being a mother for you will worry about your children every single second. Life is tough ma. That I can never deny but having you in my life is like having oxygen to breathe in everyday. Thank you so much mama. .for everything.

Thank you for always praying for me dad

Ba..you were always there for me when I needed you. My childhood was beautiful because of you. I can still recall the days when I was sick and you were there for me giving me medicine. And that gesture always made me feel better even without the medicine. It showed that you cared for me. We used to chat together pouring each other’s hearts when I was still living at home. Oh how I miss all that. I can’t even forget all the lunch dates that we had together while the others were not around. And yes..we ate really fast cause you had to rush to work again. I still do that you know. I’m always done with my meals before everyone else..;p  (p/s: I cried inconsolably inside when u gave me away in marriage and said to myself that I'd always be your little girl and I still need you to be with me) I want you to know that you’d always be in my heart.

My convocation
My engagement
My wedding

Both of you were always there for me no matter what occasion. No matter good or bad. That's why you're the best baba and mama. Love you lots!

I’m taking this opportunity to ask for your forgiveness for all of the stupid mistakes I’ve made especially those which made you cry. Please forgive me. I would be on my knees and kissing your feet for this forgiveness but every time I’m in front of you, I turned out stoned.  All the words would come out wrong. This is the only way that I can pour my heart out without gagging, crying hysterically or go crazy for no reason. Yes, especially on Hari Raya. ;-)

All in all, I turned out good I guess. Alhamdulillah. All 6 of us did thanks to you both. I can’t describe of how much I miss being under your guidance and living under the same roof. I still turn to you sometimes though. Having both of you around comforts me a lot. You have always been my strength to move on in life. I can never thank you enough for being my parents. I can never imagine life without either one of you. I feel so blessed to be given the chance to be your daughter. I love you both so much. Even love seems to be the simplest word that I can convey my feelings with. What I feel for you is definitely way more than that. I want you to know that I’d always be there for you like you’re always there for me. Thank you for loving me just the way I am. I promise to try and be a better daughter for you. You’ll always be my love, laugh and life...

Yours Truly,
Hazirah

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